News and Media –the Sky is Falling!

It occurs to me today that there are millions of people right now glued to their TV sets wringing their hands and stressing because they are being told that the sky is falling. Yes, North Korea is now threatening to take out California, the sequester is about to take down the economy and the next “Storm of the Century” is marching across the country in search of victims young and old.  —According to the press—-

Yes, it is very easy to get sucked into the media mayhem. But yesterday as I was listening to the fearful conversation people were having in the grocery store, I began to ask myself “What would I like to be doing today, if tomorrow really is my last day on earth?” And really look at the answer. There is truly no need to panic as the universe is in perfect order. Besides, is there anything you can do about those things?? Think about the “Serenity Prayer” of the 12 Step programs of AA and NA:  “….accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can… and the wisdom to know the difference.” There is not a thing I can do about these things and getting upset over them or spreading the fear to others is really not a productive use of my energies. So let me go find what it is that truly makes me happy and spend some time doing that.

So I wonder, for you — Are you doing what you want to be doing if this is your last day to do it?

Want to get started?

Inhale… Aaahhhhhhhh

I was thinking today about how every day is a new opportunity to make a change. I decided today to be grateful for about 5 more minutes each day since that is how I get to feel the most peace. If you are struggling to find some peace within you, consider learning how to meditate or even to become more quiet in yourself. The monkey mind can really eat up a lot of “peace” time in your head. So for a moment, stop, slow down, look around at what you can be grateful for… Notice it. Hold it…

Ahhhh, isn’t that better?

Consider doing this out loud in front of your children… model how easy it is to just be still for a moment. This is the most important lesson today…

This is how we begin to get in touch with our “inner adviser” – our voice of wisdom.

No failure only feedback…

Perhaps, if we train our young people from early on to believe that there is no failure—only feedback, then we may be able to accept their letdowns and mistakes more easily, and with less trauma. In so doing, we are not setting them up for the let-down that “success only” parenting sets them up for. We are sharing with them that all actions will bring some sort of reaction and all causes will have some sort of effect. Sometimes the feedback is “Oh, that didn’t work,” but the true failure is in not trying—or worse, avoiding the challenge altogether.

The question is though—do we accept that for ourselves? Believing that there is no failure—only feedback is a big step since that was not an option when we were raised. Throughout our lives we have encountered hurdles that we may have at the time believed insurmountable. The fact remains though that we will always encounter some. Even as we continue to make our own mistakes and correct them, if we keep this one tenet of NLP in mind… we may be able to accept our own humanity more easily and get back on our own path even when what we tried didn’t work for us — this time. This topic and many others are addressed in my new book: Where’s the Line? A Parent’s Guide to Teen Transitions without Trauma, now available on Amazon.com in various formats.

Communicating with teenagers

When we try to get our teenagers to listen to us, we can sometimes feel about as useful as a seatbelt on a motorcycle. The truth is though, they are usually listening. If your tone of voice is not commanding or demanding, nagging or judgmental, then your message is being received on some level. Now whether or not they follow through with whatever their best interest is in our eyes, is another story. That’s why it’s in our best interest to remember that it is the job we do with them when they are preteens that will determine what sort of teen they become. This holds true also, for the job we do when they are teens which sets them up for the type of adult they become. So don’t stop talking and don’t stop trying to influence them through modeling. Remember though, they are now making their own choices and these are choices that will bring successes and “learnings” throughout their lives. As a parent of young adults, I can tell you that it’s not always easy. The important thing to remember though is that at this point, they have their own lives to lead and these lives will contain light and dark moments. All we can do is let them know we will be there for them.

Breathe deeply… ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I was thinking today about how every day is a new opportunity to make a change. I decided to be grateful for about 5 more minutes each day since that is how I get to feel the most peace. If you are struggling to find some peace within you, consider learning how to meditate or even to become more quiet in yourself. The monkey mind can really eat up a lot of “peace” time in your head. So for a moment, stop, slow down, look around at what you can be grateful for… Notice it. Hold it…

Ahhhh, isn’t that better?

Consider doing this out loud in front of your children… model how easy it is to just be still for a moment. This could be the most important lesson they learn today…

This is how we begin to get in touch with our “inner adviser” – our voice of wisdom.

Dating and the Theory of Scarcity

Dating

 

In my town, it’s not for the weak at heart—or is this just a belief? If you look at the numbers, the reality of most cities in FL is that there are many more single men to single women  in certain age groups–it is true.  I do know that it makes for some degree of difficulty when one is trying to find an actual partner in life, not just for a night. But what is the alternative? So I choose to live without anxiety about it.

Scarcity is a complicated  concept when it comes to people. Scarcity can be limited to a particular type of person or even a geographical area. The truth is, it is a concept that has some very limiting beliefs attached to it. I find by letting go of the belief that love is scarce, I feel better and it seems to flow toward me. When I begin to get anxious about not finding it, I feel as though I am chasing shadows. So I decide not to chase shadows because that is an unproductive use of energy. I let go of the limiting belief that there is not enough, and even when someone wants to remind me of the numbers — I move forward without worry. Abraham Hicks reminds us: “There is enough.”

If you are struggling, or worried about not having enough of something, consider seeing your life without that belief tomorrow. Take it as a challenge–see what happens.

Not an easy job…

Parenting a teen is no easy task. Now and then I can offer some insight though so here goes:

If you are struggling with how to begin, well, you just have to dive in! And if you have not been doing the job you would like to see yourself do, then commit to the commitment and begin now!  If you simply cannot bring yourself to feeling that awkward for whatever reason, start by just saying a few words today. Then just sit nearby and see what happens. I believe you might begin to sense some imperceptible shift in your child’s attitude very soon. Enjoy these moments–even the awkward ones. And tomorrow, when you try it again, it may feel a bit less unnatural. Look at your teenager today. Really look. Time is flying by so don’t delay.

Keep in mind that you are setting up your adult relationship –When they really do still need you although in a different way—so don’t wait for the perfect moment. We are all imperfect. Model that!

It’s Been a While!

I have been remiss of posting for the past several weeks and am getting back to it now. I have been immersed in living life and writing my first book entitled: Where’s the Line? A Parent’s Guide to Teen Transitions without Trauma. Which is available now on Kindle and in e-book format on Amazon. The hard copy will be here any day!  I look forward to your questions, comments and your perspectives, so please write.

 

Thanks for reading this. I will begin posting thoughts and musings throughout this process 0f which, just like me–is a work in progress. The next  blog will be about communicating with your teen. It really is easier than you think!

My Introduction to Hypnosis

Hypnosis was always an interest of mine but became a profound element of my life when my second child was born within an hour of arriving to the hospital and with really very little actual pain.
Had I known then what I know now, I could have done it virtually pain free. I would have tweaked the cassette a little bit and been slightly less intimidated by the process. Heck, had I known then, I would have dropped my first one after a few hours of productive labor as well. True to form though, I was scared and tense the entire time (to say the least) and I felt every twinge and contraction as I battled the progress of the labor. My son was born 3 years before my daughter, with a drawn out, painful birthing experience that went on for 22 hours and ended in Caesarean section that took weeks of recovery.
I am not here to tell you that you can have your baby pain free, but I can tell you that you can limit the stress that you feel and approach the inevitable birthing process with at the very least the confidence to make it a tremendously positive memory.
With my clients, I find out about what their strengths and interests are and I use these to help write a script to use throughout the last trimester. By hearing your own voice as you lull yourself to sleep, your brain absorbs the information in a nonthreatening, productive way and begins to make a shift at the most primal level.