No failure only feedback…

Perhaps, if we train our young people from early on to believe that there is no failure—only feedback, then we may be able to accept their letdowns and mistakes more easily, and with less trauma. In so doing, we are not setting them up for the let-down that “success only” parenting sets them up for. We are sharing with them that all actions will bring some sort of reaction and all causes will have some sort of effect. Sometimes the feedback is “Oh, that didn’t work,” but the true failure is in not trying—or worse, avoiding the challenge altogether.

The question is though—do we accept that for ourselves? Believing that there is no failure—only feedback is a big step since that was not an option when we were raised. Throughout our lives we have encountered hurdles that we may have at the time believed insurmountable. The fact remains though that we will always encounter some. Even as we continue to make our own mistakes and correct them, if we keep this one tenet of NLP in mind… we may be able to accept our own humanity more easily and get back on our own path even when what we tried didn’t work for us — this time. This topic and many others are addressed in my new book: Where’s the Line? A Parent’s Guide to Teen Transitions without Trauma, now available on in various formats.

Communicating with teenagers

When we try to get our teenagers to listen to us, we can sometimes feel about as useful as a seatbelt on a motorcycle. The truth is though, they are usually listening. If your tone of voice is not commanding or demanding, nagging or judgmental, then your message is being received on some level. Now whether or not they follow through with whatever their best interest is in our eyes, is another story. That’s why it’s in our best interest to remember that it is the job we do with them when they are preteens that will determine what sort of teen they become. This holds true also, for the job we do when they are teens which sets them up for the type of adult they become. So don’t stop talking and don’t stop trying to influence them through modeling. Remember though, they are now making their own choices and these are choices that will bring successes and “learnings” throughout their lives. As a parent of young adults, I can tell you that it’s not always easy. The important thing to remember though is that at this point, they have their own lives to lead and these lives will contain light and dark moments. All we can do is let them know we will be there for them.

Breathe deeply… ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

I was thinking today about how every day is a new opportunity to make a change. I decided to be grateful for about 5 more minutes each day since that is how I get to feel the most peace. If you are struggling to find some peace within you, consider learning how to meditate or even to become more quiet in yourself. The monkey mind can really eat up a lot of “peace” time in your head. So for a moment, stop, slow down, look around at what you can be grateful for… Notice it. Hold it…

Ahhhh, isn’t that better?

Consider doing this out loud in front of your children… model how easy it is to just be still for a moment. This could be the most important lesson they learn today…

This is how we begin to get in touch with our “inner adviser” – our voice of wisdom.

Not an easy job…

Parenting a teen is no easy task. Now and then I can offer some insight though so here goes:

If you are struggling with how to begin, well, you just have to dive in! And if you have not been doing the job you would like to see yourself do, then commit to the commitment and begin now!  If you simply cannot bring yourself to feeling that awkward for whatever reason, start by just saying a few words today. Then just sit nearby and see what happens. I believe you might begin to sense some imperceptible shift in your child’s attitude very soon. Enjoy these moments–even the awkward ones. And tomorrow, when you try it again, it may feel a bit less unnatural. Look at your teenager today. Really look. Time is flying by so don’t delay.

Keep in mind that you are setting up your adult relationship –When they really do still need you although in a different way—so don’t wait for the perfect moment. We are all imperfect. Model that!

It’s Been a While!

I have been remiss of posting for the past several weeks and am getting back to it now. I have been immersed in living life and writing my first book entitled: Where’s the Line? A Parent’s Guide to Teen Transitions without Trauma. Which is available now on Kindle and in e-book format on Amazon. The hard copy will be here any day!  I look forward to your questions, comments and your perspectives, so please write.


Thanks for reading this. I will begin posting thoughts and musings throughout this process 0f which, just like me–is a work in progress. The next  blog will be about communicating with your teen. It really is easier than you think!