Perhaps, if we train our young people from early on to believe that there is no failure—only feedback, then we may be able to accept their letdowns and mistakes more easily, and with less trauma. In so doing, we are not setting them up for the let-down that “success only” parenting sets them up for. We are sharing with them that all actions will bring some sort of reaction and all causes will have some sort of effect. Sometimes the feedback is “Oh, that didn’t work,” but the true failure is in not trying—or worse, avoiding the challenge altogether.
The question is though—do we accept that for ourselves? Believing that there is no failure—only feedback is a big step since that was not an option when we were raised. Throughout our lives we have encountered hurdles that we may have at the time believed insurmountable. The fact remains though that we will always encounter some. Even as we continue to make our own mistakes and correct them, if we keep this one tenet of NLP in mind… we may be able to accept our own humanity more easily and get back on our own path even when what we tried didn’t work for us — this time. This topic and many others are addressed in my new book: Where’s the Line? A Parent’s Guide to Teen Transitions without Trauma, now available on Amazon.com in various formats.